Meet Sean, he’s a software engineer of sorts. (This is an obscure reference to Tom Bodett’s the End of the Road.)

I do things. Things are fun. One of the things I do, recently, is screw around with my new static site blog.

This is me. I suck at selfies.


On March 20th, as it is the first day of spring, I am going to shave this beard. But! Between March 1st and March 20th, I have decided that I am going to allow someone else to decide the fate of my facial hair.

That someone…might be you. Yes! You. Winner of the 2006 Time Person of the Year. But! In order for it to be YOU, you need to win…the contest.

Announcing! The first annual (maybe, if it works) Sean Abbott Charity Bearded Face Auction!

The concept is simple. Donate to a charity in my name. If you donate more than anyone else, you get to pick what happens to my facial hair between March 1st and March 20th. I will have a professional shave me to your specifications, and I will post weekly-ish updates to verify that I am following your desires.

Now, since I’m hoping to get a fair bit of participation, it is my face, and I’d like to enjoy this enough to actually make it annual, here’s a few rules. I will try VERY hard not to change these too much, but it’s possible that I’ll need to make an update or two. I promise the updates will not change the determination of the winner.

So here are the instructions:

  1. Donate to a charity in my name. (Sean Abbott)
    • You’ll receive a 5% bonus to the amount if you donate to the EFF
    • You’ll receive a 15% bonus if you donate to SMLX Good (This is a charity run by a friend of mine and they’re doing good work.)
    • I reserve the right to penalize your submission by up to 50% if it’s asymmetrical. I’ll try to be brave, but I really don’t want to hate myself for a month.
  2. Pick a picture, or fill out this handy base image with the beard you want. Find a way to communicate what your beard idea is, is what I’m saying. Be creative, that’s fine. If you win, I’ll make sure you get what you want by talking to you.
  3. Send me the donation receipt. username is seanscharitybeard. Email service is put an ‘@’ between the two and it’ll be fine. It needs to be in my name or have a note so I know you donated for this contest. Let me know what name you’d like me to post about you as (can be anonymous, that’s fine) so I can try and get a little competition going on.
  4. If you donate more than anyone else (after modifications), you win! I will have a professional shave your desired beard onto my face.

A few restrictions, caveates and notes.

  1. No hitler mustaches. In todays political climate, I don’t want some antifa that I normally would agree with to punch me in the face. That won’t be fun or funny.
  2. Please donate to organizations that I will mostly agree with. You can hit me up if you’re curious, but a good rule of thumb is “liberal”. If you donate to focus on the family, Imma ignore you.
  3. See the bullet points for Rule 1.

I’ll be updating this post with lists of who donated and what their style recommendations are. And possibly, if I get interest and questions, with an FAQ or something.

Here’s a few ideas to let you you know about the possibilities:

Here’s a couple with a “horseshoe” mustache and mutton chops:



Here’s one with just the chops:


And here’s another mustachey thing I did when shaving a beard one time:


I can probably come up with more examples if ya’ll need. Have at it! And THANK YOU! in advance. :-)


  1. Why are you giving extra to a favorite charity of yours?

    Well. It’s my face, and I know exactly how good a person Elly (who runs SMLX Good) is, and how much good she’s doing, and how hard she works. So…that’s why. My intention was to help raise awareness for someone very good with my face. If that bothers you so much that you don’t want to donate I guess I don’t really understand, and I wish you didn’t feel that way, but such is life.

  2. When do we have to have donated by?

    Donations need to be in and sent to me by March 1st. The contest ends on March 1st. I will be scheduliing a beard shaving on March 1st.

  3. What if I make multiple donations?

    I will aggregate all donations from an individual into a single pool.

  4. How much are you expecting people to donate?

    I’m hoping for coffee amounts here, folks. I had one person who didn’t because she thought I was looking for like..$50. No no no…I’m hoping to get to like $100 total. PLEASE don’t let the thought that this is high-roller stop you from donating.

  5. How do I submit again?

    Forward your donation receipt to

UPDATE 1: 17 February 2017

In addition to the FAQ above, we’ve had our first donor! See the list below!

UPDATE 2: 22 February 2017

GUYS! We’ve hit 6 donors! THANK YOU SO MUCH! Keep ‘em coming! You’ve got ‘til midnight on 28 February! Yay! We’ve also had our first person playing “price is right” style bidding. :-)


Donor Name Donation to Date
Dana SMLX Good 16 Feb
Diana SMLX Good 21 Feb
Alex EFF 21 Feb
Tamar Healthy Families America 21 Feb
“President Snow” SMLX Good 22 Feb
Pete SMLX Good 22 Feb

I decided to go ahead and get an EZPass for my car.

This is something of a new idea for me. I have avoided getting one because of ways in which being tracked by lots of databases and cross-correlating them is…bad. I have my own personal list of things that I know could go wrong1. But, now they’re taking pictures of your license every time you drive through and stuffing it in the same database, so, I’m damned coming and going. Might as well get the cheaper tolls.

So I went to sign up on the website. I go to put my car in. It says someone else is using it, please call the phone line (877-627-7745). I call the phone. It’s ALL automated, and says to please use the website.


Anyway, so back to the website. Go to their help section, go the chat section. Chat with their rep. They tell me…they don’t have access to the database and I have to call the phone line. BUT! I asked. There IS an operator! You just have to hit a hidden option to get to them! (It’s 9, in case you’re curious. The number to access the ezpass ma operator, on their phone screen is 9. Feel free to tell me more ways to SEO that so people can find it.)

Turns out, my partner who frequently borrows my car had added it to her account. So now we’re all good. But this did turn what should’ve been a 10 minute experience into a 30 minute experience.

  1. So my personal reasons for not liking lots of data correlation are because it leaves way to much room for power hungry individuals to do bad things. For instance, any woman who dates someone who is either in law enforcement, knows someone in law enforcement, or works for any contracting company that works with law enforcement could easily be tracked and hurt by a stalker with easy access to those databases. We can claim that this doesn’t happen, but stories from the tsa to this big ap report no one noticed mean that obviously we do not and will never do a good enough job. [return]

I’ve switched my blog to hugo and pretty gotten rid of a bunch of stuff that I hadn’t really worked on or tracked in something akin to forever.

I’ve got some plans for continuing to do this, but I’m hoping that having the blog accessible from the same interface that I tend to do most of my work, in a format that is familiar and, again, where I tend to work, will hopefully make me post more often.

I have some stretch goals (read: shit that probably won’t happen) that include things like cross posting to twitter and facebook and fetching the comments with some regularity.

So…we’ll see how that goes. :-)

A coworker posted something in our “random” chat room today about Disney making a movie titled “The BFG”. Given my knowledge and phrasing of that, I was like..whhhaaaa…don’t they know what that means?

They DO. And it means something different than what I think it means. For, apparently, more people than it means what I think it means.

Here’s a google ngram of “bfg”. You can see it spike hard for the original usage, and then spike again, but lower, for the usage that I’m thinking of.

BFG ngram

Now, here’s the ngram of the phrase that made me surprised that Disney would title a movie thusly:

big fucking ngram

Which is really more what I expected to see the first time.


(For those not in the know, BFG)